teenbetweener

teenbetweener — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 16:59:58 +0000

Christmas can be a difficult time of year, especially if it’s the first one since your parents have been separated. Things will be different but there are also things that you can keep the same. What are some of the traditions that you love? Talk to your parents about them and ask that you can still do as much of those as possible. You might have to get used to some new ways of doing things too, particularly if one of your parents is in a smaller place. Try to involve yourself as much as possible in the arrangements for Christmas.

Have a good Christmas xxxxxxx

Tips for separating parents

teenbetweener — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 15:36:45 +0000

TIPS FOR PARENTS WHO ARE SEPARATING

Discuss together what you will say to the children regarding separation and how they might respond. Children need to be told basic information which they can understand but not the details of your problems. Blaming one parent for the breakup of a relationship is NOT helpful for children
Children know when something is wrong and may imagine it to be worse than it is. Your children need to hear from you that you are separating and they need to know that you will be there for them
Children have a great ability and capacity to deal with truth, when it is gently and supportively shared with them
Inform teachers, care-minders, adult family members and other key people in their lives of the situation so they can support the children
Make time to be with your children on your own in order to build and maintain relationships
Give children time to adjust to the changes
Be careful not to dump all your ‘emotional stuff’ onto children. Find support somewhere else and let children remain neutral
Don’t make your children take sides.
Don’t assume that because your children are not expressing their feelings, that they have none.
Try not to criticise the other parent in front of the children. This will only make them more anxious.
Draw up a parenting plan – a schedule which lays out how to share time with the children, how to manage responsibilities and how to make decisions about the children. This will provide continuity for the children in a relationship with each parent.
Don’t expect them to accept new relationships straight away. You may see it as a second chance. They won’t.

Stuck in the middle?

teenbetweener — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 12:08:29 +0000

‘I found it difficult with my mum and dad not speaking to each other. I was sometimes given horrible messages to pass between them. The worst of these were about money. It made me feel really uncomfortable and angry. I wanted to tell them to “grow up” but I didn’t.’

‘Parents should allow their children to be neutral.’

These are some of the comments from teenagers who have found themselves ‘stuck in the middle’ between two parents who are in the process of separating. Not a nice place to be!

During this time emotions are running high and it’s often difficult for parents to communicate with each other in a reasonable way. You could become the messenger between them, find yourself being asked to take sides or get caught up in crossfire. You will feel divided and it might be a struggle to remain neutral and not get caught up in issues that belong to your parents and that only they can sort out. Your parents probably don’t realise that they are putting you in an impossible position so help them to understand by explaining to them what it is like for you. Letting your parents know how you feel is really important as they will assume that everything is okay with you unless you tell them. You could decide to say nothing and tell everyone you’re ‘fine’ but eventually things will build up and you’ll end up feelilng worse.

Excerpts taken from ‘When Parents Split’ by Glynis Good