That time of year……….

 

 

 

 

It’s that time of year when exams are looming. School, and especially exams, can be difficult at the best of times but when there are things going on at home it can be impossible to concentrate. Your head can feel full of all the worries of what’s happening in the family and what’s going to happen in the future. And studying can be especially difficult if there is tension and arguing at home.

 Before you can even think about starting to study you need to try to clear your mind of  these worries. Don’t bottle stuff up, you don’t have to cope with this on your own and you need to get all the support you can get. Talk to a good friend, parent, aunty, someone you trust. It’s a good idea to let the school know what’s happening as they can help, there might even be a school counsellor you’d feel able to talk to.

 Some tips to help get you through:

  • Learn to recognise when you’re stressing out and nothing is going in.  Take a break and chat to someone who can help you unwind and put things in perspective.
  • Eat right –  an obvious one but it’s so easy to forget when you’re under pressure
  • Sleep well- easier said than done when you have things on your mind. Find ways to unwind before going to bed and if it’s really a problem you need to talk to someone about it – parents and maybe your G.P.
  • Don’t forget that there is life after the exams. Try and remember the positives that you have in your life, the people who you like to be around, sports and hobbies that help you relax.

Most importantly though – don’t bottle things up and try to handle things on your own. Get support and help, look after yourself.

Don’t forget that you can always email us for some online support.

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March 13, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Tips for separating parents

TIPS FOR PARENTS WHO ARE SEPARATING

  • Discuss together what you will say to the children regarding separation and how they might respond.  Children need to be told basic information which they can understand but not the details of your problems.  Blaming one parent for the breakup of a relationship is NOT helpful for children
  • Children know when something is wrong and may imagine it to be worse than it is.  Your children need to hear from you that you are separating and they need to know that you will be there for them 
  • Children have a great ability and capacity to deal with truth, when it is gently and supportively shared with them
  • Inform teachers, care-minders, adult family members and other key people in their lives of the situation so they can support the children
  • Make time to be with your children on your own in order to build and maintain relationships
  • Give children time to adjust to the changes
  • Be careful not to dump all your ‘emotional stuff’ onto children.  Find support somewhere else and let children remain neutral
  • Don’t make your children take sides.  
  • Don’t assume that because your children are not expressing their feelings, that they have none.  
  • Try not to criticise the other parent in front of the children.  This will only make them more anxious.
  • Draw up a parenting plan – a schedule which lays out how to share time with the children, how to manage responsibilities and how to make decisions about the children.  This will provide continuity for the children in a relationship with each parent.
  • Don’t expect them to accept new relationships straight away.  You may see it as a second chance.  They won’t.  

 

 

August 16, 2011. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Stuck in the middle?

‘I found it difficult with my mum and dad not speaking to each other. I was sometimes given horrible messages to pass between them. The worst of these were about money. It made me feel really uncomfortable and angry. I wanted to tell them to “grow up” but I didn’t.’

‘Parents should allow their children to be neutral.’

These are some of the comments from teenagers who have found themselves ‘stuck in the middle’ between two parents who are in the process of separating. Not a nice place to be!

During this time emotions are running high and it’s often difficult for parents to communicate with each other in a reasonable way. You could become the messenger between them, find yourself being asked to take sides or get caught up in crossfire. You will feel divided and it might be a struggle to remain neutral and not get caught up in issues that belong to your parents and that only they can sort out. Your parents probably don’t realise that they are putting you in an impossible position so help them to understand by explaining to them what it is like for you. Letting your parents know how you feel is really important as they will assume that everything is okay with you unless you tell them. You could decide to say nothing and tell everyone you’re ‘fine’ but eventually things will build up and you’ll end up feelilng worse.

Excerpts taken from ‘When Parents Split’ by Glynis Good

January 11, 2011. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.