Tips for separating parents


  • Discuss together what you will say to the children regarding separation and how they might respond.  Children need to be told basic information which they can understand but not the details of your problems.  Blaming one parent for the breakup of a relationship is NOT helpful for children
  • Children know when something is wrong and may imagine it to be worse than it is.  Your children need to hear from you that you are separating and they need to know that you will be there for them 
  • Children have a great ability and capacity to deal with truth, when it is gently and supportively shared with them
  • Inform teachers, care-minders, adult family members and other key people in their lives of the situation so they can support the children
  • Make time to be with your children on your own in order to build and maintain relationships
  • Give children time to adjust to the changes
  • Be careful not to dump all your ‘emotional stuff’ onto children.  Find support somewhere else and let children remain neutral
  • Don’t make your children take sides.  
  • Don’t assume that because your children are not expressing their feelings, that they have none.  
  • Try not to criticise the other parent in front of the children.  This will only make them more anxious.
  • Draw up a parenting plan – a schedule which lays out how to share time with the children, how to manage responsibilities and how to make decisions about the children.  This will provide continuity for the children in a relationship with each parent.
  • Don’t expect them to accept new relationships straight away.  You may see it as a second chance.  They won’t.  




August 16, 2011. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.